Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Whimsy Wednesday ---

Outrageous Work Excuses

My intent was to have today be Wednesday pick me up, with lots of humor. But have determined that I like Whimsy Wednesday better; we will see what develops as the year progresses.

So today I had fun searching for the most outrageous excuses for calling into work sick:

Here is what I found:

*I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

*If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

*I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

*I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

*I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

*Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

*Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

*I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

*I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

*I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

*I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

*The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

*I prefer to remain an enigma.

*My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

Do you have a an over the top outrageous work excuse you would like to share?


Kathy Bryson said...

what do you mean outrageous excues? This one - The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. - actually happened! ; )

Forget Me Not Soap Shop said...

Love it..

Entwined Vines Jewelry said...

I knew there were certain breeds fo dogs that would eat just about anything, but didn't realize keys would be on the