Monday, August 15, 2011

Two Dozen Witticisms

Some days ironic wit fits the bill,  here are two dozen witticisms I have collected over the years.

Two Dozen Witticisms

-I started out with nothing...I still have most of it.

-Some days you're the dog, some days the hydrant.

-I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

-Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

-If all is not lost, where is it?

-It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

-If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

-The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

-I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.

-It was all so different before everything changed.

-Nostalgia isn't what is used to be.

-Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.

-A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

-I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.

-It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

-Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.

-The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

-If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

-Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

-If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.

-An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

-It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.

-Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

-Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.

Copyright 2011, EntwinedVinesJewelry

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